Thursday, September 28, 2006
the blogging question
It's raining and flooding. And some people probably wouldn't come to work. I'm the first in our team to arrive. So with stalling work first and foremost in my mind right now, let me write about writing. Err, blogging. As inspired by some provoking thoughts by Knoizki.

Why do I blog, you say? Expression. Freedom. Uncontrollable thoughts. Creativity. Outlet. Communication. I started blogging because I didn't have time to write anymore. A good friend of mine introduced me to the concept. Because we were both writers (and she is now, professionally) and I always ranted about work always swamping over inspiration. My ring-bound notebook has been abandoned. So the initial intent of this blog was to be an outlet of repressed creativity. An easier way to publish poetry, whatever short stories. Because really, I didn't want to stop writing.

I wanted it to be poetic. Dramatic. Like theater. Then at some point, my subconscious decided that writing here should have no limits. Nor rules. This blog should not be cornered into a template, so to speak. I've shared with you some poetry. I've also shared a short story. More than that, I think I've also shared my life - my soul. And the drama lies there. And I think you get the picture.

I don't think I blog to get comments. It does help - because I know people are reading, and appreciating, and motivating me. But primarily, I think I blog because I feel the need to express myself. If not through creative literature, then through this. If not through oil paintings, then through this.

Okay. Enough drama. Have a good day and blog on!
dezphaire strapped in @ 8:43 AM   8 walked through

Monday, September 25, 2006
I signed myself up for LomoManila the other day, and learned that there's this pinhole camera thing for sale in the toy sections of malls. Out of curiosity and sheer ambition to take photos like these guys, I bought myself one. I also bought myself a roll of film. Now I just need to muster up the patience to actually assemble the parts.

Someone told me that on the first crack, I probably won't get the best results. Well... no pain, no gain I think. Just like wearing stilletos.

Wish me luck.
dezphaire strapped in @ 7:22 PM   3 walked through

Friday, September 22, 2006
when do i see you again?
There's something to be said about being being apart. Sometimes, even if you're together, it's like the true essence of being in each other's presence isn't there. At some point you'd really miss seeing each other almost every day. And you'd hate it that it's so hard to have some quality time when you need to be comforted. Sometimes you'd be caught up with the day's (or work's) distractions to even care. There are also times that life presents an opportunity to break that not-seeing but well, you know how they say that the heart is willing but the body is weak? Traffic. Driving. Sleep deprivation. Stress. Those kinds of excuses.

I really admire people who survive long-distance relationships. I mean, I can just drive over to where my man is. I really can't fathom having an ocean or some major land formation in between you. When do we see each other again? That's gotta be the hardest thing to answer. I'm speculating. Imagining. Actually, I wouldn't know how to make that kind of the thing work. I'd probably just roll up in a corner and sulk.

Why am I being so melodramatic? I don't know. Maybe because I need to be with my someone. I miss the be-with time. I sometimes forget how a simple hug could do wonders to uplift you. Just sit around, with the TV off, talking about mundane things.

I'm re-posting this sonnet by Neruda. Just to top off my drama queen moment. On the up-and-up though, it's a Friday. The weekend is more forgiving to being-with time.

Maybe nothingness is to be without your presence,
without you moving, slicing the noon
like a blue flower, without you walking
later through the fog and the cobbles,

without the light you carry in your hand,
golden, which maybe others will not see,
which maybe no one knew was growing
like the real beginnings of a rose.

In short, without your presence: without your coming
suddenly, incitingly, to know my life,
gust of a rosebud, wheat of wind:

since then I am because you are,
since then you are, I am, we are,
and through love I will be, you will be, we'll be.
dezphaire strapped in @ 9:42 AM   9 walked through

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
challenge your motor skills
I finally finished this Parking Perfection test this morning. After like a gazillion tries. Only to find out that my score, 5522 points, is ranked the 156th! Demmit!

Wanna give it a try?

dezphaire strapped in @ 10:32 AM   8 walked through

Tuesday, September 19, 2006
aloha world, i'm back
Four days in Ilocos with family was absolutely stupendous. A recharger of sorts. It was a grand reunion of Foz's for my grandma's 90th birthday (and she doesn't look her age at all!). The celebration had this hawaiian theme, and we asked guests to play dress-up. And they did! It was so cute. I can't believe my dad was in a floral shirt. And Chips too! The girls were in sarongs and printed skirts. We all had leis that were bought from the States. It was actually a drizzly day but we were oblivious, with all the aloha-ing and bright colors.

is she really 90?

Then the next day we were off to Pagudpud for a day at the beach. More bonding time with the cousins. It was a good thing it wasn't raining there. We got to lie down and relax under the sun. I didn't bring my polka-dot bikini because I realized the straps were too fat. And the dress I was going to wear at the wedding had spaghetti halter straps. Well, anyway there we were having fun on the beach. There was a videoke machine too, which made it all the more fun. Hehe.

beach brus buddha? cuzins grass1 windblown funny faces

And what's a grand reunion without grand servings of food? We had so much food. Too much food. For our own good. Steak, fish, lobsters, longganisa, lechon... oh the sinfulness! On our last night me and my cousin Nica treated the rest of the FozBrats to pizza. It's just a small parlor called C&E where they make their own recipes - can't be missed if you're in Laoag. We ordered seven pies and the resto gave us one for free. We were stuffed beyond reason. And on the road home, we were laughing about the most mundane things. So close to barfing. Not pretty. Lol.

My cousins will be leaving back for California and New York this weekend. I'll miss those brats.

dezphaire strapped in @ 9:06 AM   5 walked through

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
i'm excused
It's a busy month at work. Strategies are being thrown left and right. Brainstormings going on hour after hour. But, I am excused from it for two days. Yes, an actual vacation! I will be on a trip to Ilocos Norte by Thursday and will be back on Sunday. It's a legit excuse. It's my grandmother's 90th birthday. And it will be a mega Foz reunion. It will be noisy. It will be hilarious. It will be full of loud, boisterous and fun-loving people. And Chips will be coming along to witness the chaos.

It will also be my excuse for the new brown polka-dot bikini I bought from Topshop. We'll be driving up to Pagudpud on Saturday. Yessss... beach!

On the weekend of the 23rd, one of Chips' friends will be getting married. I already have a dress. But I didn't have shoes. For some reason, my 4-inch stilleto black satin sandals went awol. Therefore, I was excused to spend for a new pair of formal sandals from Chinese Laundry. Aren't they pretty? They're 3 1/2 inches. Not as strappy as my former pair, but it will have to do.

It's so much fun, having valid excuses. Hehe.
dezphaire strapped in @ 12:25 PM   7 walked through

how to fool yourself in traffic
Play epic songs like Bohemian Rhapsody, November Rain and Estranged.

Drive along.

Drive some more.

At some point you'd forget what's playing.

Honk at some people.

Maybe change lanes.

Then note what you're hearing.

Hey, it's still the same song.
dezphaire strapped in @ 8:27 AM   8 walked through

Monday, September 11, 2006
song for sorrow
This song played on one very dramatic episode in La Femme Nikita. Yes, I am totally obsessed with this show. I'm trying to download all the songs I can find on Limewire. This one I need to find. Like really. It's one of them sad songs that help make you happy.

Is Jesus Your Pal
by GusGus (for a short listen, click on the title)

Is Jesus your pal, do you call out his name
When your conscience is shivering.

Do you need someone too, just like those people who
Find peace in someone's promises.

You sure don't need my promises.

So come sit on my box, enjoy the view of the water
While my lifeboat is sinking

La la la la la la la la

If you open your eyes, take a look at this mess
Could you fake your own reflection child.

If you reach out for more, you find nothing but sorrow
'Cause knowledge is hollow.

And pride is hard to swallow.

So come sit on my box, enjoy the view of the water
While my lifeboat is sinking

Oh and I found this very nice site with reviews of every episode of the series. And a very apt description of Michael's character - "He could probably generate heat looking at a tossed salad." Oh I so agree.
dezphaire strapped in @ 3:39 PM   3 walked through

Tuesday, September 05, 2006
There's something about black, coats, blank yet piercing stares and a hefty dose of stoicism that gets me obsessively hooked on these characters. Which reminds me... I should get the whole Buffy DVD set. Yup, that should be a good one after Nikita.

I think it went as far as "Forever Knight". Or even "Highlander" for that matter. So High School, hehe. And now i'm reliving my obsession on Michael. The way he doesn't even need to talk... tingly. When I get the Buffy DVD set, it's onto Angel and Spike. Hmmm.

Now there's a plan.
dezphaire strapped in @ 9:17 PM   7 walked through

Friday, September 01, 2006
another addiction
These DVD box sets of TV series are like little techie drugs. You get a fix with the first disc. And then you want to know what happens. But you know you need to sleep. But then again, you can't sleep knowing that you don't know what happens next. So you get up and insert the next disk. Now you're beyond the intro of all the characters. The plot thickens. A new conspiracy is introduced. So you stick in the next disc. Until your eyes are opened against their will and at moments you actually lose consciousness. But that doesn't stop you from playing disc after disc until you get to the season finale. Then you crave for the next season. Thinking of that cliffhanger makes you want to scream. And you don't have the next season's box set. Don't you just want to kill yourself?

I bought the three seasons box set for La Femme Nikita, this undercover-mission type series I got hooked on way back in high school. I was absolutely ecstatic when I got the DVD set. I can finally relive it! And I'd finally be able to know what ever happened to that mission when Nikita was supposed to be terminated. The show got cancelled when the network that was airing it then went through this business nosedive. I find out also that there were actually five seasons. So I'm missing the last two. Arg! I can foresee the agony.

I was so tempted to finish the entire season last night. Had to stop at around 2AM. My eyes are puffy. My head hurts. My brain is out of focus. And all the meetings today didn't help.

Tonight I watch again.

I'm such an easy addict for things, I notice.
dezphaire strapped in @ 6:22 PM   11 walked through

My Photo
Location: Philippines

Sometimes bored. Most of the time oddly alive. Phobic of butterflies. Creatively suppressed. Hungry for coffee and shoes. This is my subconscious talking... at times interrupted by my reality.

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soundtrack of the moment
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis. But it's just the price to pay, Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes 'cause I'm Mr. Brightside -- "Mr. Brightside" The Killers
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Kukote Meets The Beauties
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