Monday, October 30, 2006
bragging rights
Can I just scream!??? This photo made it on Flickr's interestingness list for October 22. I am trying to contain myself. I am trying to not go on a handstand. Lomo on!!!

acrobatic chips
shot with a Frogeye in Boracay.
using expired Fuji Sensia 100, cross processed.

dezphaire strapped in @ 5:07 PM   9 walked through

little snippets
I apologize to have been quite out of it lately. I've gotten lazy, sick, distracted and un-fined for the past few days. I just have some little thoughts and snippets for today. Errrmmm so here goes.

I want to buy a new book. It's called Vertigo. It's a thriller and the reviews are interesting. I just found it last week on the new releases shelf in Powerbooks. I just didn't have money then. Maybe this week I'll buy it. Problem is, I haven't gotten to read any of the new books I've bought over the past months. I don't know -- maybe I just like having a lot of books around me.

I just bought another camera. A friend who makes trips to Hidalgo bought my latest toy camera for me. It's a Woca. It uses 120 format film. It's helluva hard to load the freakin film. I haven't gotten to shoot anything with it yet. I'll bring it over to Nov 1. Hoping to get eerie shots. Baka may moomoo!

I continue to hate parents who can't control their children in church. It's actually nice that these kids get exposed to the sacrament early on. But it would be nice if they actually learned how to behave. Some kids do -- they just sit around, with their big eyes. They'd throw a fit but they'd be easily appeased and they'd get quiet again. But some are just downright noisy. Let them loose and they're doing karate moves on the aisle. Restrain them and they'd wail like it was the end of the world. The annoying thing is -- no one is doing anything about it! I mean, at least one of the parents could just step out with the kid. There's no use keeping him inside to disturb everyone else. Argh. If only it wasn't a sin to strangle someone.

I've been a home body for the past 3 days. Yah. Sick as a dog, going to vommit. Like literally. I got struck by some food poisoning. And I felt what it would be like to be a bulimic for 2 days. Now I'm on the road to recovery. On gatorade therapy. I hope I get better in time for Nov 1. Because that would mean that a lot of food will be out there for the eating. The only advantage of this is that I'm getting skinnier. Hehe.

I should find a way to get rid of my extra shoes. I have like 40 pairs and counting. My mom constantly tells me to give some away, especially those that are worn in. But who will benefit from pumps, mules and stilleto sandals? Sigh.

I'm running out of snippets now. Hehe. I guess I should end it here. Toodles!
dezphaire strapped in @ 1:33 PM   2 walked through

Wednesday, October 25, 2006
about surprises
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right.

I swear, this sneaking up thing is getting to me. I usually like surprises but only when they're pleasant ones. Well, who would like being surprised by a realization filled with wrongness. It's like this wake up slap. Hey you, don't just sit there. Everything's not fine. It will never be fine. Life is not fine. Life will always find a way to un-fine you.

Anyway, enough of the venting. Let's move onto a cheerier topic. That maybe some of you will not find relevant but I'm going to blog about it anyway. I've been Flickring more than I've been blogging lately. I got into this thing called Lomography. I've had the cameras since last year. But I've just recently gotten to know the ins and outs. About the films and the processing. I'm addicted. Especially when I got my first dose of this drug called cross-processing. It makes for a more unpredictable result. And the suspense kills, but you're very much rewarded in the end.

shot with a Colorsplash, instant exposure with a purple gel.
Fuji Sensia 100 slide film, cross-processed.

The thing about it though is that you never know if any of the shots will see the light of day. You're crossing your fingers. And pacing. And all that. And when you finally get the shots you're all giddy. Not that everything's there. It's always I guess a surprise of hey, there are actually shots here. And hey, they're not half bad. This is the kind of sneaking up I welcome.

So I've kind of debunked that statement someone made about Lomography not being fit for me because I'm OC. I guess this has taught me to be more receptive to things I cannot control. And I'm very much happy with the results. Now please someone help keep me from bidding on eBay.
dezphaire strapped in @ 11:20 AM   6 walked through

Friday, October 20, 2006
playing pretend
A friend of mine is throwing a Halloween Costume party on her Birthday (which is on November 2). And Chips and I are invited. The wearing of what costume is a question that has been nagging us even when we were in Boracay. Here's the kind of dilemma we have:

Me: I'll just be a cowgirl. I already have the boots, the miniskirt and a vest. I just need a hat.

Him: That's corny. Let's do something scary.

Me: I want to look pretty!

Him: You wanted black wings right?


Him: I want to be The Crow.


Him: And you can be the crow.

Me: I don't want to be a bird!!!

Him: You'll be a pretty bird!


Him: C'mon I'll make you a beak.

Me: Aaaaargh. Whoever said we needed to come as a pair!?? I'll be pretty, you'll be scary. BAH.

Any suggestions?
dezphaire strapped in @ 10:33 AM   3 walked through

Tuesday, October 17, 2006
am i being iffy again?

Maybe it's because I'm back.
From Boracay.
From four days on the beach.
Feeling no pressure.
No worries.
Basically just thinking of what to do.
Or what not to do.
How much money we still have.
How absolutely beautiful this creation is.

Maybe it's because I can't imagine
that I'm not there anymore.

dezphaire strapped in @ 7:07 PM   5 walked through

Tuesday, October 10, 2006
the air is talking
Sometimes there's this air of discomfort that just wraps around you. You wish you could explain it. I just call it plain feeling iffy. Uncomfortable. Unfitting. There's just this aura of wrongness. It doesn't need an overt discussion. Nobody needs to tell you. Nothing needs to happen. It doesn't mean something negative is really happening (at the moment) either. It could mean that your subconscious is just making you imagine things. Hyphothesize things. Overthink things.

Is it what you call gut? The stomach talking and not the brain? This feeling of iffy-ness is not easy to shake off either. It's forgettable. But it just needs the littlest of provocations to ease out again. I hate feeling iffy. It's like I don't know what to do. Because it's not real. You're assuming it could be real. But in the end, it's just an assumption. You can't pinpoint what you did wrong. You can't even decide if it's you. Or someone else. Or something.

Iffyness leads to yammering. Like what's happening now. There's something iffy in the air. My nose is involuntarily twitching in thought. I don't know what to do. And I don't know what's the thing I should do about. Confusing isn't it.

Maybe I need to go home.
dezphaire strapped in @ 4:36 PM   12 walked through

Monday, October 09, 2006
i don't know what to write about
I can write about another frustrating shoe hunt (yes, it didn't stop at the Zara incident). I can also write about the LomoLove exhibit I went to this Saturday. Piggybacking from that, how I created a new set in my Flickr in honor of my "filmlust". There's also the fact that it's only 5 more days to go before I fly out to Bora. And as always, there's that ever-reliable rantfest about work and how freakin' cold the office is.

So many things, so little motivation. My brain's all jumbled up. I'm excited, ecstatic and impatient. I want to be in Bora now. I want my film developed, like now. I want to just be resizing and uploading pictures the entire day.

BAH. And in a fit of a lack of transitions, I shall just share with you the soundtrack of my non-sensicality -- this beautifully sad song by Coheed and Cambria, "Wake Up". Good day, people.

I'm going to ride this plane out of your life again.
I wish that I could stay but you argue.
More than this I wish you could've seen my face
In backseat staring out the window.

I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips, I love you.

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.

I've earned through hope and faith
The curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever.
If morning never comes for either one of us,
Then this I pray to you, wherever.

I'll do anything for you.
This story is for you.
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips, I loved you.

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.

dezphaire strapped in @ 9:20 AM   3 walked through

Thursday, October 05, 2006
the definition of frustration
Imagine ZARA.

After being in Steve Madden.
in Nine West.
in Tyler.
in Footnotes.

Imagine being on a budget.

They were too expensive.
They don't fit right.
They don't really look right on your feet.

Back to imagining ZARA.

Red faux croc skin.
Sling backs.
Pointy and sexy.
Narrow 2 1/2 inch heels.


Well under 2,000 Php.

Okay. Size 7.
Too tight.
Oh look, they have Size 9.

They don't have size 8.
They don't have size 8.

dezphaire strapped in @ 3:36 PM   6 walked through

Tuesday, October 03, 2006
pinhole practice

eager excited ecstatic
Originally uploaded by jolengs.

I'm finally done with the test. The experiment went rather well, with some shots surprisingly recognizable. All of them largely blurred, because I couldn't keep my hands steady that long (pasmado kasi). I had to not care that I looked like some weirdo holding a little plastic box up for over 20 seconds. I think I'm getting somewhere. I just bought double-sided tape to renew the pinhole - it's smaller and sans tearing.

truckThis camera redefines "manual". The film took me ages to load. And winding it after every shot is just one big guessing game. Is this enough? Is this too much? Am I wasting film? Anyway, the suspense factor I guess adds to its appeal. And also the fact that you can double-expose without even meaning to. Which is what happened with my favorite guinea pig shot. Hehe. I don't even remember what I double-exposed it with! Freaky.
dezphaire strapped in @ 11:02 PM   3 walked through

Monday, October 02, 2006
i need painkillers
There's this throbbing pain on my left temple. I had it since yesterday. Actually, yesterday my entire head was throbbing. I don't know why. I was walking through Greenhills last night and it was like my skull just flared.

Maybe it's the fact that we haven't had electricity for the past four days. The storm took down four big posts. Two of them the type that had that trash-can-looking things hanging at the top. We have a generator on, to keep the fridge and freezer cool. It's also on at night, to at least have the little electric fan run. It gets turned off at around 2am, when the air gets relatively cool. Maybe it's the whizzing and buzzing being drilled into my head as I sleep. And maybe it's because I wake up all sweaty because by that time, the sun's already beaming into my room. Maybe shmaybe.

It's extraordinarily bright now. I took my sister to school, and I've never seen the campus (the little that we got) so bare and bright. The trees (again, the little that the campus actually has) have been tapered and reduced to shrubbery. The main roads of Makati are likewise unshaded. I am grateful though that the trees along Mckinley Road survived. It will be a while till they get their thick, lush greens back.

I hope that by the time I get home tonight, we'd have electricity. In the meantime, I should find myself some painkillers. Bah. Work.
dezphaire strapped in @ 10:22 AM   7 walked through

My Photo
Location: Philippines

Sometimes bored. Most of the time oddly alive. Phobic of butterflies. Creatively suppressed. Hungry for coffee and shoes. This is my subconscious talking... at times interrupted by my reality.

previous stabs
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the closet
shop around
my shoebox
poetry & lit
reklamadorang ako
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soundtrack of the moment
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis. But it's just the price to pay, Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes 'cause I'm Mr. Brightside -- "Mr. Brightside" The Killers
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Kukote Meets The Beauties
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