Wednesday, August 25, 2004
ironically uninterested
Both my parents texted me this afternoon that my phone has arrived (hooray!). I donned on this huge smile, wishing and hoping that the office would declare a "you can go home now" announcement given the evil weather brewing outside so I can fiddle with it.

But then again, meetings continued and issues arose. The conflicts, "sabits" and stresses of client servicing came rushing in, just like floodwaters surely gushed through the streets of Manila. An offline has not yet been approved, and we have the online scheduled tomorrow at 9am. A freakin' 15-seconder radio announcement is being nit-picked to the bone like a hyena sucking a corpse dry. There were moments that I felt that I was back in school (particularly in Claire Lopez' Creative Strategy class), when I debrief my boss about what whoever said and what I said in defense... and she'd give her gut reaction and I'd think... damn, why didn't I think of that. Well, maybe that's because she's my boss. But still. It leaves me thinking - Am I good at my job? Like, really? I enjoy it (well, most of the time), but am I good at it? I am not out to feed my ego here, this is just one thing I think about knowing that there is my life to support and a (corporate) ladder to climb.

There again, my friends, is another burning question. Something that will probably remain unanswered until the day I die - because for some reason if people tell me that I am, I will not believe them. And neither will I believe myself, because the question above shows precisely that I am an overthinking paranoid (redundant, much?).

And so the hype on the phone was overcome by pointless anxiety (as it now lies on the couch, charging and somewhat fiddled). Oh how easy humans are swayed.
dezphaire strapped in @ 11:48 PM  


  • At 10:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i'm going to say something aged :) hehe...

    i always felt that if you're doing something that brings you joy - then the question of whether you're good at it or not isn't much in your face. una, it doesn't matter. elevation of spirit na yun eh - over and beyond ladders. and then if you find yourself stumbling along (not just the normal stresses of the work), eh mahirap makahanap ng joy dun. if you do something you love, you will be good at it. so i figure, you do what you love - as in LOVE - and the bigger questions take care of themselves :)

    yun lang po :) [man, was that too early to be philosophical? hehe]


  • At 10:23 AM, Blogger drivebyshooter said…

    Welcome to the club. I think self-doubt is an issue for most people, so you're not alone.

    I guess the real question should be, do you enjoy your work? Do you want to keep doing what you're doing? If you can say you, then you're ok.

    On the gut reaction, you know that some part of it is experience, but another part of it is simply having an objective eye. I'm assuming, of course, that she isn't as involved in the account as you are. In any case, I'm sure you know what a fresh perspective can add to any problem, right?

  • At 8:38 AM, Blogger dezphaire said…

    i really don't know what this is all about. i guess it's just a phase. maybe it's because i'm under a new team and i'm pressuring myself to do good. or maybe it's just another burned out moment.

    whatever it is, it drove me to buy yet another pair of shoes. why did m)phosis have to be on sale... i was too vulnerable.


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